THE DICTIONARY OF DOGLISH! (As explained by a dog)A dictionary of dog language compiled with the help of  all our doggy friends so that you can understand your dog's behaviour.

Leash A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

Dog bed any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

Drool Is what you do when your person has food and you would like some. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

Sniff A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

Rubbish bin A container with a lid that stands in the kitch and tests your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef and chicken bones to consume and mouldy crusts of bread.

Bicycles Two-wheeled exercise machines ridden by humans, invented for dogs, to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away feigning no responsibility. People who hate cyclists praise you and sometimes give you treats.

Deafness This is a condition which affects dogs when their persons want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, walking very slowly then running in the opposite direction, or lying down. Can be used selectively.

Joggers Use the same method for bicycles but nip them on the ankles as well. You sometimes get rewards to stop you doing this.

Thunder This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels. You can include howling if required.

Fireworks These sound like thunder but the behaviour pattern you use is to dig up carpets and squeeze yourself under furniture. Trembling and heavy panting works wonders to get you maximum attention and sometimes a special treat of being allowed to share their bed for the night.

Tissues These are delicate, soft white bits of paper that can be shredded and left all over the room. It can take your owner quite a while to clear it up. Such good fun!

Wastebasket This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old sweet wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

Rolling This is heaven, especially if you are lucky enough to come across a patch of bird poo, cow poo/fox poo or a something that no one knows what it is. The smelliest, gives you the highest  rating in the dog fraternity as they all want to find it and use it.

Sofas Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers or body clean.

Bath This is a process by which your person drenches the floor, walls and themselves. You can do the same by shaking vigorously and frequently then rushing away and drying off on any clean white fabric i.e sofa, carpet or the pile of laundry waiting to be ironed.

Lean Every good dog's response to the command "sit!" especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective for leaving hairs on  dark clothes worn by guests. 

Bump The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of hot coffee or tea.

Goose bump A manoeuvre to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require – especially effective when combined with The Sniff in the crotch area. See above.

Love Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

Picnics These are open air events when people will insist on sitting on wet grass and spreading food around. Works best if you rush in at full speed, snatch some food and if you have time pee on something as well.. Embarrasses your owner and makes everyone very angry.

Muddy puddles  Invented by God to give a dog maximum enjoyment on a walk. Slosh through making sure your lower end is covered in mud then slurp up some of the water before you are dragged out.

Newspapers Always use the one that the paperboy leaves on the mat by the front door. That's what they trained you to use when you were a puppy..

Visitors Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

Barking Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark.



Licking Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel. 

 

Football games Played by hairy men in shorts.  Rush in, grab the ball and run as fast as you can. The more they chase you, the faster you can run as that's the idea of the game

Jumping up to say Hello. Most effective if you see a stranger wearing light coloured clothes. They will appreciate your friendliness.

Here is a clip that has nothing to do with the subject of dogs. I just thought  you would enjoy seeing this very talented bird.

                          
                                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7ht0a2-OnA 

That's it for this week and keep reading the blog.
Dawn (")