WHAT YOUR DOG WOULD WRITE IF IT KEPT A DIARY.
Dear Diary............
7.30 am Wonderful walk in the park. Probably the best activity in my life, followed by food and then licking my balls. The gang were all there and we sniffed around together. Its amazing how you can miss things every day. Diego discovered the most wonderful smell for all of us to try out.
8.45 am Watched poor Beagle being dragged out of the park by the scruff of its neck. He says he is not allowed to sniff bottoms or anything else as his stupid owner thinks its unhygenic. For god's sakes, that's what we dogs do. Poor dog! Definitely going to end up as one of life's social misfits.
8.50 am Caused consternation and loud protests from the humans in the car going home. There were cries of "Phwoar! You stink! what did you roll in?"
9.15 am Back home. Jumped out of the car, raced into the house, fell down the stairs in my excitement to get to bowl. Yummy! yummy! Aside from ball chasing, this is my favourite activity of the day. Oh goody! a toothball as a treat. Dont you know what a toothball is? Its a biscuit that is as hard as a rock, tastes wonderful and cleans my teeth. I could eat a whole bag. No probs!
9.20 am Uh! oh! my owners are showing sadistic tendencies, whispering and spelling out words. For no good reason, I am being dragged to the bathroom for the "water torture". This involves gallons of water being poured on to me and then a burning, foamy chemical called shampoo. What sick mind could invent such a thing. Only way to feel better is to rush to the bed room and roll all over the bed to dry off. Hah! that'll teach them.
9.35 am Chased one of those pesky tree rats, (known in our household as "Squiggies"). How dare they frighten off all the garden birds. Im not having it. Burst of frantic yelping and barking soon saw it take off like a rocket.
9.50 am The household is getting ready to do serious things. My man works as a graphic designer on the computer - seems to fall asleep a lot in front of it. Didn't feel like following her around. Prefer to doze in my basket.
10.00 am Had a pee on the kitchen floor. Laziness. She bellowed at me, grabbed my collar and dragged me to the puddle. "Who did this?" she yelled. "Whaddya mean, who did it?" "I did for god's sakes". You would think that I was a terrorist who had blown up the kitchen.
10. 15 am Opened one eye as she passed me. Oh! boy! she looks cross. She glared at me as she went up the stairs. Uh! oh! I shall stay put.
12. 00 am In a deep sleep; having a very serious dream. Just had that pit bull terrier, Tyson by the jugular; the gang were all cheering me on.... doorbell went. Back to bed (yawn!). Heard a can being opened. Time to sit by the kitchen door and drool.
1.00 pm Lunch time for the humans. Lots of delicious smelling things around. Something might jump off the table. Time to engage my appealing look.
3.00 pm Oh goody! Lead coming off the door knob. Means "walkies." Good smells. So many designer dogs living in the area. They leave messages for help. Poo things, cooped up every day. No toys, no music, no treats, no company. Can't help them. Im so lucky, (or as my owner sometimes sings,"Im so yukky! yukky! yukky!") to that Kylie Minogue song, "Im so Lucky."
4.00 pm Wonderful walk! Senses overloadeded with interesting pee mails. Left several of my own. Owner says I have a bottomless tank. Time for a zzzzzzzz-z. Catch you later, dear diary.
5.00 pm Awake and refreshed. Can hear kibble rattling into my dish? Wow! and leftovers. I am full and happy. Time to lick my balls and clean my paws.
6.00 pm That mangy cat from next door is wandering around my garden. What a half-wit he is? Same routine everyday. I chase, he runs like hell.
That's it for today, dear diary, until another day.
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We had January in a rainy headlock. Sad to say February looks set to be the same.
Are you caught between the call of the gym, and the call of the comforting January chocolate eclair? You're not the only one. (The eclair wins every time. It's just tastier than the gym. Don't try to fight it.) But don't feel bad, just doing a few ankle rotations and some simple stretches while you're reading this and watching this excellent video, will keep you trim, toned and eager.
(Cleverest dog food commercial you will ever see, sent to me by my friend, Barbara Barbour. )
http://www.youtube.com/embed/AA56LgpFbSw?rel=0
That's it until the next blog. Have fun with whatever you are planning to do.
Dawn (-"-)
